aisyurie

I've suppressed my emotions.
I cant bear to hang around them.
Every conversations we have tend to lead to it, again and again.
I tried to be ignorant of my true feelings.
Happy for them, yes I am.
Then I look at myself.
There seems to be this gap that widens as the day passes on,
weeks pass, and months roll.
They speak, I listen.
I keep my thoughts to myself.
I am good at that I think.

I dont come from a well-to-do family.
So basically I dont have much option when it comes to education.
I cant afford private.
I simply cant.
I can only slog hard for subsidized goods.
But what are the odds now.
The clock is ticking away.
Nothing in the mail.
As much as I say,
"Kay aisy, no high hopes"
I'm such a big fat liar.
I do hope alot.
I'm counting on this.
I need this.
Family has always been counting on me.
I'm supposed to be the bright one.
I'm supposed to be the one they dote on.
Immense pressure?
In my eyes it will always be that.
Right now, I never wanted anything more in my life.

Every night I think alot; reflect.
I need my back up plans.
I need them sorted out.

What are they?
i have no clue as of now,
Only God knows.

(Just another emo/ cry-out session that I need)
I'll be better tmr, I promise